Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County Book 4) Read online

  “I—I wasn’t uncomfortable.” Her protest didn’t convince anyone and she looked down at her shoes as she fidgeted with her keys. Ironically, at that moment she looked extremely uncomfortable and yet we weren’t fondling her knee under the damn table.

  I took a step forward. “We were just looking out for you.”

  Her head snapped up and she straightened her shoulders. Her eyes blazed. “I don’t need your protection. I’m not a child and I can make my own decisions.”

  Ethan glanced at me with a question in his eyes. He was thinking the same thing I was. This wasn’t just about Bob. She wasn’t pissed we’d interrupted her date. That last comment had been aimed at me, a clear reminder of what I’d said and done at the rodeo when I’d told her she was out of her league.

  Shit, would I ever live that down?

  “Look,” I said. “I’m sorry if we overstepped our boundaries—”

  “I know you two are my bosses,” she interrupted, holding up her hand. “But you can’t tell me what to do outside the office.”

  “No one is trying to tell you what to do,” Ethan said. His voice was calming, even to me. He’d always been better at being the hero. He took another step closer and I watched as she backed away slightly.

  Huh. I’d thought she liked Ethan, but she seemed wary of him, too.

  “But,” Ethan continued. “If we see anyone—at work or not—who won’t take no for an answer, you better believe we’re going to get involved.”

  Her mouth opened like she might protest, but she shut it just as quickly, confusion warring with her earlier anger. “You don’t have to do that. I can handle myself.”

  “We know you can, baby,” I said. She turned those big hazel eyes up to me and I nearly lost my train of thought. “But you shouldn’t have to.”

  She seemed taken aback by that and I found myself getting angry all over again, but this time at the nameless assholes she’d dated in the past. She shouldn’t be this confused or surprised to have men looking out for her and standing up on her behalf. Who’d hurt her so badly?

  “I don’t need anyone looking out for me.” Her voice had lost its anger and she sounded like she was talking more to herself than to us.

  Ethan surprised me by moving closer to Rachel. He reached out and gently tilted her chin up so she had to look at him. His voice deepened and there could be no doubting the sincerity in his tone. “You don’t need it, but you deserve it. If you were ours, our top priority would be keeping you safe. Making sure you were taken care of.”

  Her eyes widened and I found myself holding my breath. He’d taken a risk laying it out there like that.

  “What do you mean, if I was yours?” But even as the words came out of her mouth, I saw understanding dawn in her eyes. Ethan must have seen it too because his grin was cocky as hell.

  Well, damn. Ethan got game.

  Of course, she knew what he meant. Rachel had been born and raised in Bridgewater. Emmy had two husbands and I heard her other siblings did, too. She knew our ways and she knew exactly what it meant to belong to two men. She hadn’t expected it from us, but she liked it.

  The heat in her gaze was fleeting but it had been there, just like back at the rodeo when I’d talked about giving her a spanking. I would bet my truck that she’d had a mental image of what it would be like to be with the two of us. Judging by the flush in her cheeks, she was picturing how it could be right now.

  Well, all right. Now we were getting somewhere.

  But then her eyes widened and she took a step back from Ethan, her eyes darting over to me with something close to panic.

  “But I don’t,” she said quickly, her hands fumbling with the keys. “I don’t belong to you. So stay out of my business.”

  Ethan and I watched her get into her car and waited until she drove off.

  “So,” Ethan drawled, putting his hands on his hips. “That went well.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t think we’re any worse off than we were.”

  My best friend rolled his eyes. “Considering she hated you and tolerated me, that’s not saying much.”

  “At least we got her away from that asshole, Bob.” I might have had a temper but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look at the bright side. “She might not be going home with us, but at least she’s going home alone.”

  Ethan made a sound of agreement before heading back toward the bar. “I need a drink.”

  When I held the door open for him, the music hitting us full force, he added, “It would’ve been a bit more encouraging if she hadn’t outright told us she wasn’t ours.”

  I slapped a hand on his shoulder as I followed him back inside. “Not yet,” I added, feeling more upbeat by the minute. “She’s not ours yet.”

  I might have been forced to retire early from my chosen career, but no one had ever called me a quitter and I sure as hell wasn’t about to start now.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  RACHEL

  I was in love.

  It was official. Emmy’s two-month-old daughter, Louisa Mary, or Lulu as I liked to call her, was my new favorite person on the planet. I’d offered to watch the little sweetheart while Emmy ran some errands and now I was loathe to part with my adorable niece. That seemed to be just fine with Emmy, who looked happy, but exhausted from sleepless nights. She lounged on my couch with her mug of tea while I rocked and shushed Lulu.

  “You look like a natural,” Emmy said, her head resting on a decorative pillow, her feet up on the arm rest.

  I smiled and tried to ignore the painful ache in my chest. Lulu was a soft, warm little lump. In her pink footie pajamas, she had her knees bent up and her hands in tiny fists. She had that perfect baby smell, fresh laundry and milk. She was as bald as a cue ball, but had dark fuzz that was so soft at her nape that meant she had the coloring of her fathers.

  She hiccuped and I couldn’t help but laugh. This right here, this was all I’d ever wanted. A baby. Sweet and snuggly. Multiple babies. A family of my own. Maybe it was because I came from a large brood, but that’s what I’d planned for myself. I always saw my future with a messy house filled with strewn socks, unmade beds and slamming screen doors. There would be loud laughter and unconditional love.

  It never occurred to me that I might not be able to have that dream. I wasn’t old by any means and my biological clock wasn’t ticking too loudly. My mother would just tell me to be patient. But I wasn’t patient. Not when it came to being able to hold my own perfect child, to rock it and sing. There were no men in my future, especially not with the way I reacted to a man getting near me. I had a personal brand of man repellant and it was working really well. No men, and that meant no babies. No big family house, no snot filled noses to wipe.

  Maybe it was time I finally faced facts. I would never have the kind of relationship that my siblings had. I’d never have a LuLu of my own.

  I’d never feel comfortable being intimate with a man. And intimacy was kind of crucial when it came to baby making. Even Bob’s hand on my knee had creeped me out. Well, he creeped me out.

  God, I’d been in a funk all morning. I’d hoped time with my niece would help, and it had to some extent, but it also served to highlight what I was missing in my life.

  Emmy interrupted my thoughts. “So how’d it go with Bob last night?”

  Ugh. Bob. Since Bob was friends with one of Emmy’s husbands and she’d been the one to set us up, I felt bad telling her the truth so I just shrugged. “It was okay. I don’t think there was really a spark there.”

  That was my polite way of saying that Bob was a bore. He’d been nice enough, though not exactly witty or charismatic. I’d had to paste a fake smile on my face for an hour as he droned on about his day-to-day chores at his store.

  And then it had gotten worse. So much worse. Apparently my fake smile had been a little too effective because after one drink, Bob started making moves. Clumsy, awkward moves that had me fully understanding why people used the term frigid. His touch left me cold. He
hadn’t been terribly inappropriate. It wasn’t like he’d started groping me under the table or anything. He’d just touched my leg. My knee, to be exact. Any sane person would have handled it smoothly.

  Not me. I’d freaked. Freezing up like a deer in headlights as that old terror set it. If there had been any doubt Bob was not a contender for a second date, his touch made it abundantly clear. If the feel of his hand on my knee was repulsive, there was no way I’d be able to deal with his lips on mine.

  That simple, almost platonic touch had been enough to turn me into a block of ice. I’d clenched my teeth and tried my best to keep from rudely jerking away from him, but I pulled away out of instinct. And when I’d shifted my leg away, he hadn’t gotten the idea and put his hand back! How much more obvious could I have gotten that I wasn’t interested? A drink over his head?

  I probably would have ended up causing a scene if Ethan and Matt hadn’t shown up when they had. My breath caught in my chest for a moment as I remembered the look in their eyes as they’d approached. While Bob’s hand on my knee had turned me to ice, their gazes had turned my insides into an inferno. They’d loomed over the booth and I’d felt small, feminine beside them.

  Matt had stood a few feet back, quiet but lethal, if his glare was anything to go by. Holy hell, if looks could kill he’d have slaughtered Bob on the spot. I didn’t have to be a genius to know Matt didn’t like the guy. Had he seen Bob’s hand on my knee?

  Even calm, laid back Ethan had been appallingly rude. He’d glared at Bob in disgust like he was a lizard who’d just climbed out from behind a rock. It had taken me by surprise. In the office, they were calm, reserved, careful. Their behavior had been shocking…and confusing. I had no idea they could be so…so much like Neanderthals.

  And now? I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I knew they didn’t want me. Not like that. How could they? They were two ridiculously hot cowboys while I was…well, me. Besides Matt’s rude behavior at the rodeo, they’d both been completely benign with me. No heated glances, no crude words. Not even a brush of a hand on my arm. They took professional to a whole new level. They’d made it more than clear that I was just their office manager and they wanted nothing more.

  And Matt? He’d made his disinterest obvious. I wasn’t in his league. I wouldn’t know what to do if he ever got me alone, if he ever wanted to follow through on the dirty things he’d said to me. I’d been appalled at the time, but I’d had plenty of time to think about it since. Yeah, I wanted a guy to be so open and well, hot for me. But he’d used those words cruelly, meant to drive me away. Yeah, I knew where I stood with him.

  But their possessiveness and protectiveness when they dealt with Bob had left me feeling more desired and turned on than I could ever remember. I couldn’t understand it. They were probably just being overprotective because I was their employee, but that didn’t change the fact that there had been a persistent, throbbing ache between my thighs as I drove away. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have said they were staking their claim, letting Bob know I was off limits, but that couldn’t be right. I’d replayed that final interaction countless times as I lay in bed the night before. The memory alone had made me feel things I’d thought I never would.

  I didn’t seem frigid when I thought of Matt and Ethan. My nipples hardened, my pussy ached with need and when I used my fingers to ease it, I thought of them. Saw their rugged faces in my mind, thought of their big hands on my body. And when I came, I cried out their names.

  What the hell was wrong with me? I’d been on a perfectly nice date with an attractive man who’d flattered me with compliments. But when he touched me? Nothing. No sparks whatsoever. Only that coldness that filled me with disgust. But then my two off-limits bosses showed up and started acting all domineering and protective and suddenly I was hot as hell, dreaming about what it would be like to be fucked by two men at once. Who came alone in my bed imagining it. Me. The twenty-six year old virgin.

  Maybe that was why I’d overreacted with them in the parking lot. I wasn’t used to feeling that way. I had no idea how to act around them. In the office, it was easy. There was always a spreadsheet to talk about, work to be done. But at the Barking Dog, and worse, alone in the parking lot? I’d lashed out, the only way I knew to try to push the feelings away. To push them away. If they got too close, surely they’d see the truth. And then they’d laugh. Matt sure would. Like he’d said, I was out of his league.

  Even still, Matt had made me so turned on back at the rodeo, I’d dreamed about him for weeks. His crass, dirty words had done something to me. They’d made me feel wanton and sexy for the first time in my life.

  Shit. I had some serious problems. Serious. Normal women couldn’t be like this, like me.

  I finally felt sexual attraction and it was only when some macho player threatened to spank and fuck me in the stables. I’d chalked it up to a fluke. Like maybe my hormones had gone haywire that day or something. But it had happened again in the parking lot. Something about the way Ethan had looked at me when he said, “if you were ours.”

  Yeah, I hadn’t forgotten about that.

  That was all it took. Ethan saying those words and giving me that intense stare and my deepest, darkest fantasies had been unleashed. All I could think about was what it would be like if they’d ordered me around in bed.

  But then reality had set in. These were my employers. And now I’d have to face them at work on Monday. How was I supposed to act around them? I could pretend like nothing had happened. For them, it probably had been nothing. Just another night at the bar, looking out for a woman in distress.

  Lulu wiggled her little butt and I put her up on my shoulder, patted her small back. It was time for a reality check. Sure, they were chivalrous and protective but they were probably like that with all women. I had to stop myself from reading anything more into it. Making up something where there was nothing.

  But even as I thought that, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way they’d looked at me. Like I was theirs.

  That was a ridiculous thought, but I hadn’t been able to shake it even though logically I knew the truth. Matt and Ethan wouldn’t want me. Matt was too much of a player. Even if I hadn’t seen the way all the buckle bunnies ogled him at the rodeo, anyone with eyes could tell he was a sexual person. The kind of guy who took home a different woman every night and pleasured the hell out of her.

  Ethan, on the other hand…he seemed like the monogamous type. But monogamous or not, he still wasn’t for me. He was too handsome and smart and charming. I’d bet money that half the women in town had a crush on him and the other half had made their way into his bed at one time or another. He could have any woman he wanted, there was no way he’d want the frigid virgin.

  Even as I thought myself in circles, again and again, disappointment stung. I knew they weren’t the right men for me, but that didn’t change the fact they’d gotten under my skin. I’d been trying desperately to ignore the attraction when I was in the office, but I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t felt the chemistry last night. I’d never lashed out like I had with them.

  I was going mental. Seriously mental. Hormones? Bi-polar disorder? Insanity?

  “That’s too bad it didn’t work out with Bob,” Emmy said, adjusting the pillow behind her head. “Have you met anyone that does make you feel a spark?”

  Yes. Two people, to be precise. Two men who were entirely off limits for so many reasons. There was no way I could tell Emmy about my stupid infatuation with my bosses. Her former bosses. She’d either laugh at me outright for lusting after the forbidden fruit of an office romance or insist I act on it. Neither option was appealing.

  “Not really,” I lied, stroking my hand over LuLu’s head.

  “But you want to meet someone, right?”

  I shrugged and kept my gaze on little Lulu. Her eyes were still blue, but I had a feeling they’d turn a dark brown before too long. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe a husband isn’t in the cards for me.”


  Emmy made a sympathetic sound that came way too close to pity. “You’re only twenty-six. Far from an old maid,” she countered.

  I forced a smile. “Rachel Andrews. Bridgewater spinster and owner of thirty cats. It’s not a big deal if I turn into the cat lady. I don’t need a man in my life to be happy.” Just then Lulu looked at me and made the most adorable gurgling noise I’d ever heard. I let out a sappy sigh. “Can I keep LuLu? You can make another with your men.”

  Emmy laughed and rolled her eyes. “You can make one of your own,” she countered.

  “There’s the small problem of needing a man to make one. If I had a little LuLu, then I really wouldn’t mind my single status. I’d give up dating for good.”

  Emmy turned to me with a teasing grin. “It’s definitely more fun making one the old-fashioned way, but haven’t you heard? You don’t need a man to get knocked up these days. There’s a sperm bank in Helena that’ll give you what you need without the hassle of dating.”

  She was teasing. Outright laughing at her own joke.

  But I didn’t laugh. Sperm bank.

  My brain kicked into gear, all thoughts of Matt and Ethan were pushed to the side as my mind raced with possibilities. Baby possibilities.

  A flicker of hope made me sit up straight. I didn’t need the man, I needed the sperm. I stared at Lulu as I thought it through some more. It would be a lot of responsibility. A huge step to take on my own. But the idea had merit. And the thought of being able to move forward with my life and my dreams, to not be held back by my stupid fears and hangups…it was tempting.

  It was more than tempting. It was fascinating.

  My little sister might be on to something.

  CHAPTER SIX

  ETHAN

  I was in a foul mood when I walked into the office. Not only did a thunderstorm wash out the trail to one of our usual group picnic spots, but the sous chef quit for a job in Miami. I was tired in a way no amount of coffee would solve. And when I saw Rachel’s empty desk instead of the woman of my dreams behind it, I became even more annoyed.