Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County Book 4) Read online

  His head shot up and he looked surprised. Then he scratched the back of his head in a way I knew well. It gave him away every time he was guilty or embarrassed about something. “Yeah, about that. I got the job.”

  I grunted, because I wasn’t happy about it, but it didn’t sound like he was either.

  “But I turned it down. In fact, I think I burned that bridge. I got up and walked out. Right in the middle of the interview.”

  He summed it up for me quickly, his eyes never meeting mine as he admitted how wrong he’d been. That he’d been blinded by fantasies of dreams he’d long since outgrown. How he’d figured it out sitting in the General Manager’s office.

  He sighed. “I fucked up.”

  I put my hands on my hips, not understanding him. “With the Giants? Uh, yeah.”

  “No, with Rachel.”

  When he finally lifted his gaze to mine, I saw he was waiting for me to yell at him.

  I dropped my arms, exhaled. I didn’t have it in me. It was obvious he was beating himself up more than I ever could, and he’d be hating himself even more once I told him how Rachel had called it quits.

  “Yeah, you did.”

  His shoulders slumped.

  “Rachel dumped us.”

  He jerked upright as if cattle prodded. “What?” His voice practically shook the walls. He stood, began to pace. “What? Why? Why didn’t you tell me right away? I would have come back, I would have—”

  “Walked away from your dream?” I asked quietly. “I tried calling, you fucker. But this wasn’t something I was going to leave in a message. Besides, how was I supposed to know you’d come to your senses in time and realize what you’ve got here is pretty great. Better than that. Perfect.” I thought of Rachel when she smiled up at me, so open, so trusting. Yeah, we’d fucked up.

  “What I had here.” He groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “This is my fault. Again, dammit. I knew she was fragile, wary of trusting us—me, in particular. I should never have run off like that.”

  Much as I agreed with him, what was past was past. I wanted to punch him in the face, but that wasn’t going to solve anything. Yeah, it would make me feel better, but not by much. The only way I’d feel better is if we got Rachel back.

  “Maybe not,” I replied. “But now that you’re here, you’re the only one who can fix this. I’ve tried. Trust me. So stop sitting here moaning and come with me to get our woman back.”

  ***

  RACHEL

  I knew who was knocking on my front door before I even looked through my peephole. It was too late for Emmy to be out paying a visit, and the rest of my siblings would have been in bed an hour ago. Besides, no one in my family ever knocked like they were going to ram the door down if I didn’t open.

  My heart was practically beating out of my chest as I stood there, fingers on the door knob. I ached to open it, to launch myself in Ethan’s arms. But I was also steeling myself for another lecture from him. When the pounding began again, I jumped, then threw the door open. I blinked up in surprise when I nearly collided with Matt, who didn’t wait to be asked in. In fact, he picked me up, his hands on my waist and carried me inside as if I were a package. He put me on my feet and stepped back as Ethan closed the door. Both men looked at me and while it was my house and they’d just barged in, I nearly burst into tears right then and there.

  It had been torture turning Ethan away again and again. Those talks had sapped every ounce of my willpower and energy and it had been so hard to not change my mind. I wanted to be with them, but I also didn’t want to hold them back. I loved them too much for that.

  It wasn’t just Ethan standing before me now, but Matt, too. He looked as weary as I felt, but I saw intent in his gaze as he focused it squarely on me. Shit. I had no idea how I could remain strong with both of them in my living room, and looking so stubborn and determined.

  I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing I had on clothes appropriate for doing battle. My comfy cotton tank top and shorts that I wore to bed didn’t exactly lend me an air of cold reserve.

  Sure enough, I watched Matt’s gaze move over my thighs that the short-shorts did nothing to hide. Ethan, meanwhile, seemed fixated on my breasts. Even though I’d crossed my arms, I was absolutely certain they could both see I wasn’t wearing a bra.

  I shifted from one foot to the other, trying to ignore the heat coursing through me at their possessive perusal. Like they owned this body and had every right to look…and touch.

  And they did own it. They’d claimed me body and soul. I would always be theirs.

  But they wouldn’t be mine. That thought had me looking away, glancing down at my hot pink toenails. I had to remind myself of that over and over. It was the only thing keeping me from selfishly running back to them and letting them take care of me and this baby rather than focusing on their own lives. Their own dreams which didn’t include me.

  Matt moved closer, his long, lean body tense and powerful as he approached, a predator stalking his prey. He dropped his hat on the coffee table beside me. I noticed the whiskers on his jaw, the tired lines on his face. I swallowed and tried to move away but the backs of my legs collided with my couch.

  “What’s this I hear about you ending our relationship?” he growled.

  Oh shit. If my men ever pulled the good cop, bad cop routine, Matt would be bad cop every single time. The ridiculous part was, even as I swallowed down my nerves, my shorts grew wet and my nipples hardened.

  I’d always been a sucker for his bossy voice, and he knew it.

  I licked my lips. I might have been going crazy for wanting these men, but one glance at the front of their jeans and it was clear the feeling was mutual. They wanted me just as much as I wanted them.

  I shook my head. Desire had never been the issue between the three of us. Attraction and passion we had in spades. In butt plugs and spankings.

  But desire didn’t equal commitment.

  “I think it’s for the best,” I said for what must have been the hundredth time. Before I could go on with the rest of my spiel, Matt interrupted.

  “Tell me why.”

  “Having a baby is a big commitment. I can’t ask you guys to—”

  “Nobody’s asking,” Ethan said. He paced my living room, looking like a caged animal. I knew he was frustrated. He’d been trying to win me back for days, but I knew he was only doing it because of the verbal commitment he’d made and the responsibility he felt toward me.

  “He’s right,” Matt added. “You’re not asking us to commit to you—we made that choice the moment we met you.”

  I tried to stay quiet, but the words finally came out. “Yes, but you made a mistake. It’s okay to admit that.”

  They both gaped at me with open mouths and wide eyes like I’d just declared that I was a ninja or something.

  “Are you serious?” Ethan asked as he shifted his stance.

  Matt made a growling sound as he ran his hands through his hair. “This is all my fault. I never should have gone to that interview.”

  I bit back a sigh, suddenly tired from the effort it took to remain strong. “It’s not your fault, Matt. I’m happy for you, I really am. You have a dream and you should pursue it. You’re going to do great in San Francisco.”

  When he lifted his head, his eyes met mine and I froze at the depth of his emotions. He reached out to me and tugged me up against him. I felt every hard line of his body. “You’re my dream, Rachel. You and the family that we’re working on creating.”

  I shook my head against the tempting words. Oh, how wonderful life would be if I could truly believe him. “You think you have to say that because—”

  “I don’t have to say anything.” Frustration had him glaring down at me and I felt Ethan’s presence close at my side, felt the heat of him. I was surrounded by them, overpowered by their size and intensity.

  “Dammit, Rachel, listen to us,” Ethan said. “We’re not here because we feel a sense of responsibility toward you. We do, of course, but not in the way you think.”

  “You think you’re a burden to us, am I right?” Matt asked. Some of the sternness had left his voice and he sounded surprisingly gentle. His hands still gripped my upper arms, his thumbs sliding back and forth over my bare skin.

  I nodded. There was no way I could lie to them when they were so close and so…overwhelming.

  He sighed and I could see the regret in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way.”

  I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t denied it. “If I had a baby, you’d always have to sacrifice your career dreams for me…for us.”

  He pushed a lock of hair out of my face and cupped my chin in his hand, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I was wrong to leave like that, Rachel. But it won’t happen again.”

  I opened my mouth to protest but he continued before I could.

  “I won’t be leaving. I turned down the job. Not because of you, but because of me.” He scowled down at me, his eyes darkening with emotion. “I never want to be away from you. From you and Ethan and any family we make, not for any length of time. And not for a coaching job.”

  “If I weren’t here, you wouldn’t be saying that.” My voice sounded small, but it was the last protest I could come up with. I was losing my strength to fight them, and a little part of me was starting to hear what he was saying—what Ethan had been saying all along.

  He gave me a lopsided grin, as though he could sense my weakening. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe if you hadn’t come along I would have run off to San Francisco and lived out my dream of working in the majors again.”

  The air rushed from my lungs at him admitting that I had a point. But then he continued, his thumb pressing more firmly into my chin as if to ensure I was paying attention.

  “But you did come along. And the moment you walked into my life, my dreams changed. Does a life in baseball hold some appeal? Yes, of course it does. But it pales in comparison to this new reality I’ve been given. One with you in it. Hell, in the damn center of it. In which I’d be lucky enough to have a family of my own. A wife and hopefully kids.”

  Tears stung the back of my eyes at his words.

  “Life changes,” he said. “Time makes us move forward and grow up. You should know that as well as anyone. You reached a point where you realized that your dream family wouldn’t come in the way you’d imagined it and decided to do something about it.”

  I blinked up at him. That was true. My childish fantasies of how I’d meet a man and start a family had taken a turn the moment I’d been assaulted in college and couldn’t be intimate. I’d had to change my dream to fit the new me, which had meant heading to a sperm bank. And who could have predicted that a sperm bank was where these two would profess their love?

  He pulled me tighter until I my breasts were crushed against his chest. “So yeah, maybe in another life I would have taken that job. But now that I have you? I couldn’t imagine a better life than the one I have right here, right now.”

  Wow. Just…wow. If I’d had any doubts about his honesty, they were dashed by the look in his eyes. The truth of his words was there, shown plainly for me to see. I heard Ethan move beside me. “So?” he asked. “What do you say, Rachel? Will you give us another chance to be a family?”

  My heart threatened to leap out of my chest. I never knew it could feel so good to admit defeat, but they’d broken through the last of my walls and there was no turning back. Shifting slightly so I could see them both, I smiled up at my men.

  “I definitely want to be a part of this family.” I glanced down at my belly. “But you should know that our little family is about to grow, sooner than you might think.”

  Both of them stared at me, trying to understand my words. Ethan broke the silence first. “Wait, are you saying…?”

  “Are you…holy shit.” I’d never seen Matt go speechless before and I took a second to marvel at the sight. I couldn’t help but smile. When it seemed like they couldn’t take the suspense any longer, I gave in and nodded. They broke out in grins and whooped with happiness. Matt picked me up and spun me about, then carefully set me down, obviously afraid he might have scrambled the baby.

  He put a hand on my flat belly. “We’re going to have a baby.”

  “When you two apply yourself to a task, you certainly give it your all.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  MATT

  I usually had something to say, always a witty comeback of some kind. But Rachel? Yeah, she shut me up. Not only did I have no words, but my brain wasn’t functioning. She was pregnant.

  Holy fuck. She was having our baby.

  I was going to be a father.

  And so I just stared at her, mouth open, eyes wide, heart beating frantically and oddly enough, my dick was as hard as a rock.

  I felt very virile, very manly. Like a fucking caveman. My little swimmers were strong and they’d gotten our girl knocked up. I glanced to Ethan and his face had a similar expression to mine. Yeah, it could’ve been his mighty sperm, but I didn’t care.

  Our woman was having our baby.

  “How long have you known?” Ethan asked, stroking a knuckle over her cheek.

  She looked down, saw my hand on her belly. It was still flat and yet I imagined it growing round soon enough.

  “That’s why you did all this,” he added, his voice softer. “You knew and didn’t want to keep Matt from his dream job.”

  I stepped back then, yanking my hand away as if the baby just zapped me. “Is this true?” I asked. Shit. She had broken up with us so I could go after what I wanted, unimpeded. She’d known she was pregnant and was willing to go it alone for my happiness. I ran my hand over my hair.

  She gave a slight nod.

  “I love you.” The words fell out of my mouth and I was just as stunned as Rachel looked. Not stunned at the feeling, because it was true, but because I hadn’t said it before now. If I had, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe my brain and my heart would have been in sync and I would have told the Giants no before I even got on that damn plane.

  Ethan smiled. “We haven’t told you that, have we?”

  Rachel looked between the two of us, clearly surprised. “No.”

  “Maybe that’s the problem. We made it clear you belonged to us, that we wanted a baby with you, even told you we wanted forever, but we never told you why.”

  “Oh,” she whispered.

  “I think it was love at first sight.”

  A laugh escaped her lips and I had to grin.

  “Yeah, I know. It’s crazy. Me, saying something as romantic as that.” I stepped forward, hooked my hand about her waist and pulled her to me. Felt every soft curve, heard the gasp that escaped, breathed in her sweet scent.

  “It’s true. You might be Emmy’s sister and our office manager, but you were ours before we even knew your name,” Ethan admitted. “And the baby? I’m thrilled.”

  He grinned then in a blinding sort of way and I knew that feeling. I felt it too. A smile, though, wasn’t enough to show her how we felt about her, about the baby she was making. The family she was creating inside of her.

  “I love you, Rachel Andrews,” Ethan said. His smile had slipped and he looked at her with a sweet seriousness. With reverence.

  “Do you believe us, baby?” I asked. “Do you believe me when I say you’re what I want? This baby is everything.”

  She nodded. “I…I love you, too.”

  She was like a boxer hitting me with a one-two punch combination. A baby and the three words I hadn’t realized I’d longed to hear.

  “It’s time we showed you how much we love you, don’t you think?” Ethan asked.

  Rachel looked at him, arched a brow. “Oh, how’s that?”

  He bent at the waist, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. “Ethan!” she squealed as he carried her to her bedroom.

  “Careful, the baby,” I said, suddenly panicked.

  Ethan put her down on her feet directly in front of the bed. It wasn’t big enough for all three of us to sleep in, but we’d remedy that situation. Later. After we made love to her and showed her how perfect she was. She wouldn’t sleep here, but in the cabin we’d had built for her and all the babies she was going to make for us.

  But now…now it was time to get her naked and worship every inch of her.

  “Wearing panties beneath those little pajama shorts?” Ethan asked.

  She looked up at both of us, bit her lip, then shook her head.

  “Good girl,” I told her. “Take them off.”

  ***

  RACHEL

  I took a second to process everything. They loved me and they were ready to fuck me. I couldn’t miss their hard cocks pressing against the fronts of their jeans. I couldn’t miss the earnestness on their faces, the truth of their words.

  They loved me.

  They loved me!

  For several days I had felt as if my world was ending, as if it had imploded and gravity had been sucked away. Now, god, I was practically giddy with love.

  But they must have mistaken my quiet for apprehension.

  “Are we pushing you too much?”

  “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Should I not have tossed you over my shoulder?”

  “Can we have sex with the baby in there? What happens if we hit it with our big dicks?”

  Okay, I laughed at that one and shimmied out of my short-shorts as I did so.

  “No. Yes. Yes, toss. Yes. And no, you won’t hit the baby with your big dicks.”

  Both of them were staring at my pussy and probably didn’t hear any of my answers.

  “Holy shit, baby, you’re gorgeous. That little tank top does nothing to hide those perfect tits.”

  “Yeah, they seem bigger,” Ethan added.

  I felt small, like an animal about to be pounced on. My already hard nipples ached at their words.

  “I think they are bigger,” I replied. “And sensitive.”

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